Colors of my heart. Currently colorless.

I'm neither sad nor happy.

Experience just kills some people, doesn't it? But that doesn't mean that you have to put walls around and hurt all those around you. I know what happened in the past might just make or break someone, and that's why i have never stayed with the past. I try not to regret things.. or should i say i don't regret some of the things that had happened in my life. It's not like i can turn back the time, rite?

I'm bein emo here.

I'm confused with what's happening in my life right now actually. I wanna cry so damn badly but the tears just wouldn't want to co-operate! *shucks* Maybe cos i've grown? And i feel that it's not worth crying over?

I so need some shoulders to cry on.. that is, if my tears wanna flowla.. and i need some ears to listen to my words, but somehow i can't arrange my words to form proper sentences, proper storyline.

Everything just doesn't make sense now.

*currently listening to Hana, trying to figure things out*

Decisions, decisions.. who likes making them anyways?

Of course i want to have plans for my future. Plans that involve those that i want to involve them in. But then, yeah, i guess things don't always turn out the way you want them. No matter how hard you try, no matter how easily it flowed with you the first few moments..

I felt like being stabbed with a knife. No, wait, it didn't hurt that much actually. Maybe because i'm not allowing it to hurt that much. But i really wonder i can stand this. How can i just block my sadness for appearing on the surface.

Instead of waiting for a miracle, i want to hold your hand

Somehow i feel i'll just fall and crumble like a cookie one day. And i don't want that to happen.

I know you're scared, but i'm scared too.

Anyways, tomorrow's mom's 47th birthday. And i just want to be happy.