I don't ever want to be reminded of you.
My most fucked-up year thus far.
I remember at the end of my reviewing 2012 post, I requested for "more laughter and tears of happiness, instead of sadness and heartbreaks".
I thought I was granted with my request. Or sort of. Well not really. But it wasn't the other. So everything was.. safe.
My 2013 was.. just okay.
Unfortunately, at the end of the year, things sort of.. screwed up.
I got my heart broken, by a guy who, I wouldn't say THE ONE but.. I love him nonetheless.
Note the tense I used for the word "love".
My friends would slap me.
I'm not gonna deny that I still have feelings for him.
Like I say before, for him to be happy after what had happened.. it's just so fucking unfair.
What did I do to deserve this?
How did he have the heart to do it?
Why did he do it?
Does he have any guilt at all?
I thought I could forgive, but I think.. I don't want to fool myself.
If I forgive him, I won't be able to forgive myself. I've already put myself in this crap and I don't want to add salt to the injury.
I'm gonna let the others do the forgiving/unforgiving: friends, his girlfriend, God..
Please don't ask me to forgive or forget.
I won't do it.
I'll be polite to him when it is needed of me to.
People will say, "Move on!"
Please. Don't tell me to move on. I'm sure if you were to go through what I went through it'll take you some time to recover.
So allow me to fucking take my time. I'll weep whenever I feel like weeping. I'll get angry whenever I feel angry. I'll long for him if I feel like it.
The other thing that screwed up my year is..
Well, it's a family matter.
A huge challenge for all of us.
All we gotta do is stay strong, and hope for end as soon as possible.
Oh how it angers me when I think of the possibilities of foul-playing.
God is watching you people.
I guess 2014 is all about hoping for our suffering to end.