Early November Ponders

It's the favourite month of mine again, although this time, I'm not sure I am as excited as I was a few years back.

 

Actually I was excited a few days ago since I had such a stressful month or two and was looking forward to some relaxing time with less tasks at work (for a short while before it gets crazy again) when I was hit with news of people I know passing away.

 

My mom was updated by her sister with who's and who's passing on Saturday morning, prompting her to say, "Wow, so many deaths back in the hometown".

 

Then in the evening her sister called to inform that their mother's brother-in-law passed away which was a surprise, since he wasn't sick or anything. He had a fever, went back home after seeing the doctor, bathed, slept..

 

..and never woke up.

 

Mom took the plane back to the hometown next morning.

 

That night (which was yesterday night), a close friend's mother passed away, which came as another shock to me.

 

We've never heard that she was sick, and I remember her as a very youthful woman, though I can't say much since I didn't see her often.

 

I kept thinking about her passing, and all the deaths that happened recently.

 

What if mom or dad or any of my siblings were to leave just like that?

I don't dare to think about this.

 

What if I die tonight, tomorrow, or in the days to come?

OH CRAP.

 

What achievements can I be proud of?

My exam results? My bravery in traveling alone to Japan?

 

What I will be remember as?

The fierce sister? A useless friend? A weakling? An emo bitch with no life? A closet alcoholic? The lazy daughter?

 

What will I be leaving?

Books? My UVERworld CDs/DVDs/goods? My expired skincare? My messy room?

 

Suddenly, everything looks so.. gloomy.

 

:(