Thursday, March 16, 2006

Depression VS Anxiety

I'm so depressed. In less than 9 hours (and counting!), my STPM results will be available in school. I've decided to let my dad go get it for me since i have to work (he volunteered anyways) and i'm supposed to be sleeping right now! I'm horribly nervous, been trying to keep myself from crying every second. And i'm listening to Fearless by Jay Chou over and over again to stop myself from freaking out. It's giving me a little strength, though not much. I had very good supporters from work too. A L'oreal promoter told me not to worry cause i'll do fine. Pak Wan's message all the way from UK made me happy and and i was so touched.. so i'm going to put it up here:
"Owhh.. I'm sure you'll do fine.. i feared taking my results too but i did ok.. i'm sure u'll do ok.. and you did your best right.. so no matter what's the result your parents will be proud of u.. and i will be praying for you.. dun worry.. hugzz**muaxx.." I'm trying my best not to cry now. When i received the message i broke down and realized how much i miss her. Love you girl!

Basically, i'm a weakling. People might think that i'm a very-proactive-happy-go-lucky girl that can never stop smiling and laughing.. but they're totally wrong. I've never had much confidence in myself, i've always thought that i'm a loser. And i still do think that i'm a loser.
Everyday, i go through numerous challenges that will always put me down and no matter how much i try to get up and fight back, i would always lose. I'm not as fearless as i want to be. I want to be fearless. I want to take challenges and fight them til the end. If only i have the courage to do so. If only.

I'm such a dumbass. But i'm trying my best to screen out those negative feelings and look forward to life. I have a dream to live, a dream which only i know i want to own. I don't know if it will be fulfilled or not, but hey, i can dream, right?
Right now i'm just praying for a miracle. Like how miracle happened in Ima, Ai Ni Yukimasu.. having someone that you'd lost returning to you.. it's just amazing (I'm saying this cos my playlist changes to the OST). But i'm not gonna review the movie now. Maybe some other time. I'm waiting for the right time to watch the movie again and review it.

Now i'm just gonna pray hard. Really hard. Heh. Good luck WeeN! Gambatte!

I just had to add this. I went through my blog yesterday, reading my past postings and realized that people actually read my blog! I thought Yuen is my only reader (cos she put up comments occassionally) but i was wrong. I had a few other people putting up comments on my postings and i can't help but feel.. H A P P Y

Thank you so much to those who have been following my blog, or just plain dropping by. I really appreciate all of this. I hope i don't bore you guys too much. =P

1 comment:

  1. Hi, good luck with the result! I'm sure you'll do really good! Try not to worry so much, it's not good for you. When you get the result back i'm sure you'll be happy and dancing around like crazy you did so well haha! I wish you luck!


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