After 6 months.

I wonder, if I have not seen that whatsapp message, would I be hurting even more than I did?

I wonder, if I have not pushed for the identity of that girl, would both of us end up differently?

After 6 months, I still feel bitter.

Well not as much as I was before, but I still haven't forgiven him for hurting me.

Seems like he's going to end up marrying his girlfriend, and the bitter part of me is wishing that she'll leave him.

Please, it's not because I want to be with him - crazy if I'm gonna risk being with him, he might end up doing the same thing to me!

But I think he doesn't deserve her, and she shouldn't be with a guy who cheated on her when he was away, citing loneliness as his reason.

And to make matters worse, he used me to fill up his loneliness, and when found out, he left and went to the girlfriend, acting as if nothing had happened.

Sometimes I think it's really unfair, why am I still the one hurting. I wasn't the one who cheated! And I had no idea he was in a relationship when we dated.

So..

I don't know.

I just can't help being bitter because of his insensitivity - can you imagine he asked me what would be a suitable birthday gift for her?

If I could slap him, I would.

But then, I think the honour should be given to the girlfriend right?

Thank God that I have other things in my mind nowadays.

If not.. 

I don't know.

I hope this little bit of bitterness will go away, and I do not ever want to cross paths with him anymore. I don't want to care about someone who doesn't care anymore.

Please.

The Plan That Was

Let's see.

Today is May 7th, 2012.

At 0820 hours, I am supposed to be on the AirAsia X flight D7 534, flying to Japan. If the flight goes well (i.e. no delay, good weather), I will arrive at the Kansai International Airport (KIX) at 1545 hours.

Then I will roam around Osaka, venturing not very far from main train stations, so that I will be able to board my midnight bus which I booked (and paid!) on March 25th, 2012 at Kyoto station, to Hiroshima, dropping me at Fukuyama station on May 8th, 2012 at 0500 hours.

Then I will be venturing around near the station, familiarising myself with the surroundings, and smile like a stupid idiot because, oh well, I AM IN JAPAN! After grabbing breakfast/brunch/lunch, I will be making my way to Rihga Royal Hotel.

If I am allowed to check in, which I hope I will be, I will take a shower, jump on the bed and sleep until.. maybe 1500 hours?

If I'm not, then I will leave my bags and walk around the area, but I am not supposed to go far you see. I'm tired, and I'm supposed to freshen up for that night.

Because at ALSOK Hall, UVERworld will be having their concert.

And I will be there, watching TAKUYA∞, Katsuya, Akira, Nobuto and Shintarou strut their stuff. I will scream/shriek/squeal in admiration at Akira's amazing guitar skills, and blush at Katsuya's smiles. And get stoned when TAKUYA∞ lift up his shirt to show his abs, and wonder at Nobuto's facial expressions. I will most definitely salute Shintarou's drumming skills. My jaws will be dropping everytime the two guitarists (Akira & Katsuya) play their guitars at the neck, my favourite moves from them.

I will get superexcited when they play their latest songs, and will attempt to whistle to 7th Trigger. I will dance to UNKNOWN ORCHESTRA, and also to スパルタ, banging my head and wince if there are fireworks being blown up. Then I will cry when they play CHANCE!, the song that made me love them, and tear up at the very sweet MONDO PIECE and then go all mushy at 君のすきなうた. And then sing along will all my pride to CORE PRIDE.

I will party, dance and sing hard, maybe make some friends, and then go back to the hotel will all the tour goods that I have purchased before entering the hall. I will sleep after taking a good bath, and smile before sleeping, replaying the magical night in my head. I am pretty sure one of the members saw me. Right? Right?

I will then have a great sleep.

And then I will gear up for my 12-day adventure in Hiroshima, Osaka and Kobe, including another UVERworld concert scheduled in the Kobe International House on May 17th, 2012, before flying back to Malaysia on the 2315 AirAsia X flight D7 537 on May 18th, touching down at the LCCT at 0500 hours on May 19th, 2012.

BUT OF COURSE, due to some circumstances, the plan is not materialising.

Today, on May 7th, 2012, I will instead, be attending a meeting with my boss at 0820 hours. At 1545 hours, I will still be at the same meeting location, for a follow-up meeting.

At May 8th, 2012, instead of being in Hiroshima, I will either be a) watching UVERworld videos on my laptop, or b) tossing and turning in bed, thinking of where I could have been, and what I could have been doing. If I'm tired I will sleep early instead.

No 12-day adventure in Hiroshima, Osaka and Kobe as planned.

:'(

I've got to give myself credit for planning, but because I couldn't get tickets to the Hiroshima and Kobe shows, I have abandoned my plans, and cancelled my leave. I figured, no point in going if I can't go to the concert. What do I do, stand outside the hall and enjoy the concert from the outside?

Bitch please. Why should I torture myself that way?

But then I found out I could have still made it, but it was a little too late, since I've changed my flight.

Yeah you're reading it right.

I changed my flight and my plans.

And I am hoping they will go well.

to pacify myself for now

Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease.

With time to kill.

I changed my banner yet again! :P

From the one with Changmin (agh I've deleted it) to this simple one with GD.


Have to apologise to Changmin since GD pawned him on this one. Trust me, Changmin does look absolutely HOT in an ice-hockey uniform

from episode 1 of 2AM DAY

I guess I'm really intrigued by Jiyong's tattoo:

too fast to live too young to die

which is also a line from the lyrics to his song The Leaders which Teddy of 1TYM and CL of 2NE1 are featured in.

I think guys with a little bit of tattoo on their skin are hot. :9

* * *

The letter for duty reporting arrived last week. Will be reporting on the first Saturday of April and supposedly starting work straightaway on Monday.

Suddenly I'm feeling very nervous about starting work. It's a wonder how things are gonna go on that Saturday since filling in required forms also can become such a pain in the butt.

Oh well I have 2 weeks to prepare so will do it on my own pacelah.

It seems like my mother is superduperexcited about me working though. Earlier she mentioned that I should get some materials to make a new pair of baju kurung, but we ended up getting stuff for 3 pairs.

Although I have no problems wearing baju kurung whatsoever, I feel like I need more office clothes. I find that wearing baju kurung needs a lot of patience and self-control since I am very ganas, unlady-like er.. lady with an ability of ripping my kain anytime (happened before I'm not gonna lie), anywhere.

Guess I need to wait until reporting day since I need to know what I'm allowed to wear to work.

* * *

I'm a little bit pissed to hear that someone thought I managed to get my job using what we would always call "lines/cables".

Excuse me lady, BUT I fucking sat for an exam which lasted for 8 hours on a fine Saturday which consisted 5 bloody sections including 2 essays (BM and English), then had to go up to the east coast just for some team-building and physical tests which was only for a day AND sit for an interview which I waited 5 hours for.

Not to mention that I waited almost one freaking year for this, absolutely clueless about how my life would turn out okay? You don't how much fear I had in me when I saw all of my friends happily earning money/doing something useful/enjoying life and I was the only trying hard to figure what I want in my life.

I still do though.

I hope you didn't offend my mother that day.

Hmmph.

* * *

LOL of the day:

Changmin impersonating Ryuk, the shinigami from Death Note on the second episode of 2AM DAY
See, he can go this far in self-destructing himself just to amuse fans.

"Students Caught Cheating In Test"

That would be a wonderful headline in a news if such thing were ever to happen.

I mean, if anyone is ever going to bother exposing it. If I was an undercover reporter for a daily studying in my course, surely I can get the article done after today.

Oh, I just did my final test today. I didn't study much, which explained why I couldn't manage to answer most of the questions. But at least I did not fucking cheat.

4 witnesses, and counting perhaps, saw someone, opening the book of the course being tested, just because the questions he/she targeted did not come out and he/she was not at all prepared to answer different questions.

How stupid and unfair is that?

And if that person is sort of an underachiever I can understand (but that doesn't mean it's right, but I've seen them done it, but in the end their results are still so-sola) but then the person in question, or the persons in question are most I think quite more than average and a pretty good scorer!

One witness said,"I was really shocked to see him/her opening the book and copying. Never expected him/her to do that. He/She must have been so stuck."

Another said,"I was so 'HOT' when I saw them passing paper here and there."

Another said,"I looked at him/her after finishing my paper to see if he/she dares to do it in front of me, but he/she still did!"

Now, this fucking sicken me to the stomach. Obviously, the people involved were so desperate to maintain their high-but-not-achieved-by-their-fucking-own-efforts scores that they had to resort to CHEATING.

So disgusting.

The lecturer is definitely going to find out. But not from me. From one of the witnesses.

What you do will definitely not be blessed - this is for you who believe highly in God.

For those who don't, I wonder how you all will survive without being able to use your brains to do things yourselves.

I believe in justice.

Honestly, me no likey group assignments.

Ah. You must be wondering why I'm still awake at the time of this posting huh?

Just finished my part for a group assignment, and passed it to another member. Hope he remembers to print and pass it up tomorrow.

Or else I'll screw him.

Hee.

Yes, I am quite strict when it comes to group assignments. In fact I hatehatehate group assignments because I would end up wanting to check everything before passing up even when I have other better things to do. And besides I hate reminding people what to do.

I would usually take charge when no one does, since I hate wasting time silently discussing over who to combine, proof-read and edit all the parts before the final combination. I am not a perfectionist, but I do not want my grades to get screwed up by a bunch of stuckup idiots.

Some just do not care much about assignments like others. So it's a bit not fair if the whole group screws up just because of one or two person.

And don't remind me about copy-pasters. I somehow have the ability to detect those who copy-paste, and sometimes I can even detect the online sources!

Hebat tak I?

Luckily I have loads of patients.

If not someone or sometwo (or somethree or somefour... or somen) will have bruises here and there.

Two cups of Hai Peng coffee is not enough to keep me awake.

Tak boleh jadi ni.

Can't wait for Chinese New Year! Can't wait to see my family members! =D

Eh, I go sleep firstla.

Good Nite world! (or Good Morning!)

I dem bengang sampai malas nak belajarla.

Yesterday I attended a function organised by my faculty to acknowledge those who had done well last semester, which is scoring a GPA of 3.5 and above. As I waited for the time to receive our certs from the Dean, I scanned around the crowd of achievers for some familiar faces and something just hit me.

Do these people actually deserve this acknowledgement?

No offense, I'm sure that most of them do (Congratulations to you guys!). But speaking from my personal experience, especially when it comes to my class and myself, I believe that scoring 3.5 can be as easy as singing the alphabet.

Seriously.

Looking at my coursemates, I know of those who tried really hard but still fail and those who do not have to do much and still score. The education system in the university is all screwed up, or maybe it's just the department that I am studying under. Those who try really hard tend to lose out to those who are smarter, not only by how they study, but how connected they are to the lecturers and smarter friends.

I cannot believe that I am studying in a higher education institution. Feels like I'm studying in a kindergarten. Eh, wait, kindergarten oso not like this wan.

These are some the things that piss me off and make me want to quit studying in a menara gading:

1. Tips Soalan bocor. It is okay to give tips to students but hey, if you're just going to tell the students what exactly the questions are and how to answer them, might as well just forget giving testsla. What's worst is, letting a student that is taking your course to type out the questions! *pengsan* Or calling the students into your room and showing them the questions but telling them not to tell anyone since it's highly confidential! *cursecursecurse* Why? Do you get paid less if not all your students score? Do you get screwed up by the higher authorities if they do not do well in your course? Your status matters more than providing education to the students?
Just because you're holding a postgraduate status doesn't mean you can take undergraduates lightly and not encouraging them to use their potentials to the maximum!

2. Recycled questions. I fucking benci when lecturers give final examination questions which are exactly the replica of tests/tutorial/past years' questions. How original can you get man? Damn lazy issit? How do you expect to encourage your students to practise critical and creative thinking when all they have to do is memorise all the answers from their assignments, tutorials and tests? Just give them A la! I feel insulted when I am given recycled questions. It's like the question papers have "You are damn stupid that's why I'm giving you these" written on them. Celaka.

3. (Un)Sharing is caring. Oh well. I know those who get tips but not share. Wtf? Wtf? Are you really happy to be getting better grades just because you know the questions beforehand and you searched for the answers already. I believe that lecturers should give tips during class and not entertain personal requests. Unless you believe that the student involved will share with the others. Better tak yah bagi tipsla.

4. Copykucings. Another thing that pisses me off. Those people who openly discuss during tests and get GREAT results. It doesn't matter of you're whispering or not, we, the others who are trying to think and solve the questions on our own can still hear your voicesla. And that's fucking annoying. It is not wrong to copy assignments (I used to, but I'm trying to do things my own way, but unfortunately I don't get them right *sadness*) but don't la copy during tests. Really mencemarkan the purity of tests tau. *sighs* Tests should be done like the real final examinations. Employ strict invigilators. FORCE the students to sit apart during tests. If not, it will just be damn unfair to those who really try. =( Kesian kat diorang tau. Die you selfish people! Ho! Ho! Ho!


Anyways, I'm bitching because I had a headache since yesterday night and because I did horribly for a test today. However, I have been wanting to crap about the above topic because I've been keeping them inside me for quite awhile and the whole unfairness issue just bugs me inside out. Pardon me for using foul languages and if anyone were to be affected by this post, feel free to say someething. I am for one, not perfect either.

I. Don't. Get. It.

I don't get why that we have to use passive form of sentences for reports. For example, in Industrial Training (IT) reports.

I mean, I'm having trouble explaining what I had been doing for that period of 12 weeks and what I had gained from the whole stint.

We were told by our IT coordinator that we cannot use sentences such as, "I learn to.. blablabla" or "What I had learnt was.. yadayadayada" but instead we have to use sentences like those we used in explaining methodologies for experiments.

Like:

The polyethylene terephthalate sample was inserted into a materials testing machine to test the tensile strength.

Okay. Let me try something. Instead of writing, say,

I learnt how to waste time in the office during my internship.

I should write this instead:

During intership, the methods of wasting time in the office were learnt.

Fuh. That was hard. Man, why the frog do we have to do all these reports?! And don't you people think that the freaking sentence above just sound so freaking funny?!!

I'm having writer's block. Or reporter's block. Or student's block.

Shiit-take mushroom betol la.

And I'm so tired with all the running today. Will blog about the treasure hunt one of these daysla. But not much pictures were taken. Hmmph. Spoil.

Just keep on rollin (workin), pa.

With the announcement of 58 as the mandatory retirement age for public sector employees, i asked my 52-year-old father whether he would choose to retire at the age of 56 or 58 (to retire at age 58, public sector employess must submit a notice at age 56).

"I have to continue working. Your sister will only be in Form 3 when i'm 56. The pension is only half of what i'm getting now. At least if i retire at 58, she has already finished schooling."

My father's answer broke my heart.

Don't get me wrong, but i want my father to retire earlier since i don't think his workload is getting any lighter. Earlier he said that his current position in the narcotics team is tiring and he admitted that he's not fit for the job anymore. Nevertheless, since the department lacked any experience officers, he was chosen to lead the team.

Sigh~

Hopefully i'll be able to get a good, damn well-paid job after graduation to support my family and help my young-at-heart father lead a healthier life (i feel that he so tak sayang his heart).

=)

Today at work i finally finished e-mailing customers! Phew~ it was such a tedious and unnecessary (marketing) job but hey, i guess if you want to tarik more customers, you gotta make a lot of effort. Even if it includes e-mailing e-mails which will not necessary get to the recipients.

=P

Let me touch a bit on politics. I feel funnyla when the spotlight is directed to the case of an-MP-from-somewhere-which-sounds-like-asam-gelugor who is under investigation for commenting about some state ruler's prerogative.

I mean, HELLO, we've got other important crisisla wei! The rising price of goods, especially beras (no no no, no way i can consume less rice, i can't function without rice), aids to Taufan Nargis and the just-only-occurred earthquake in mid-China where a few schools collapsed, trapping students.

Ini tak pasal-pasal nak gaduh pasal benda kecik. Nak cakap korang semua tak berpelajaran, itu adalah tuduhan yang tidak bernas. Patutlah saya tak nak pergi mengundi. Buang tenaga dan masa saya jer.

And hey, i remember that there was incident on some fella (who likes to snooze!) commenting that the perlantikan of a Menteri Besar in our YDPA's state is unconstitutional and some fellas were going on against the perlantikan ceremony.

But i did not here any further hoohoohaahaa on the case (above).

Apa macam sekarang?

Even my mother couldn't help giving some negative comments on how that the laws in Malaysia seems to NOT apply to EVERY Malaysian citizen.

Stupidity never ends it seems.

sigh~ sigh~

I so need a vacation.

No war.

With reference to the front page of the New Straits Time dated Wednesday, May 7, 2008, (blogger @ jail) i would like to verify that i am NOT one of the bloggers who declared war on the government.

Raja Petra, you DO NOT represent all the bloggers la.

Emotional adjustment

Updates! Updates!

Found out that the Physics department has a problem with me undergoing industrial training with attachment in Guinness Anchor Berhad. I understand if the reason is because the company carries out activities irrelevant to my course and more suitable to Bio and Chem students BUT it seems that if i were to go there, i would be creating heaps of controversies since non of my lecturers can visit me at the site.

Sad. Some more won't be having any problems getting into the place.

Now i have to look at other places.

************************************************************************************

I recently realised that i need a major change in how to handle my emotions. I get pissed off very easily when i get annoyed, and those whose characters are pains in my rear end usually get booted of my social island instantly.

Yesh. I don't hide it if i don't feel like being friends with people who don't deserve my friendship. I ain't friendly and i sure am a bitch at times. I do not compromise with people who treat me and my friends like dirt, and i won't hesitate to return the favour and let them be invisible to my social circle. And i sure darn hate those people who likes to get themselves involved in my matters and treat them like jokes or give personal opinions without me ever asking.

So fuck off.

************************************************************************************

EC becomes a victim on my moody and emo days. When we first came back to uni and started classes, i had problems accepting the fact that he does not SMS me in class/SMS me frequently like during the previous semester and had been paying less attention to me. This results me in being in states where i would sulk myself up to the point that i'm close to tears while trying to focus in class.

I need all the proper care and attention that i should get from him, but i guess i have to be more reasonable and focus on more important things, like, my life.

But he is part of my life. That's why i always focus on him during class, outside class, at home, while i'm eating, before i sleep.. etc.

I'm a complicated creaturelah. But i so hope he understands.

************************************************************************************

And i still believe ignorance is really bliss and friendships should not be forged among those who are not interested in them.

And thank goodness i barely care what people think of the current situation.